reading, more reading, and then communion!

Ok, so this week has been hell on me to say the least...but i think that i'm doing well under the circumstances...I've noticed that my coping/acceptance is getting better/quicker...
So my neighbour came over the other day in the midst of the crisis and handed me a devotionals/prayers type of book from Angus Buchan(faith like potatoes...highly recommend this movie!!) and said "here, this will help, try it"...well i read the ENTIRE book(or year) in less than 24 hrs!! And then when that was done i realized that i NEEDED to keep going...So i turned to "Pivotal Praying" which i am VERY close to being done, and wow, that is a very good book too!!! And then i asked people "what's next, help me"...and the answer is "Captivating"...So I will wash my new mug and start that while we wait for the laundry..lol...
I NEED these books, i NEED answers, i NEED help, i NEED God to guide me cause i feel like i am just wandering around in circles....but i feel that i am getting there...little by little i know...
Want to know how i know? I took Communion today. I knew that i needed to do it. I was ready this time around. I cried(well, i cried a lot this morning, and made some others cry too)..The tears were for so many things...grief...relief...healing...strength...EVERYTHING.....It will be alright...i know.

The house has closed.

WOW. Today the house officially belongs to someone else. I went back this morning to take some pictures and say goodbye and get some closure.
It's really hard to believe. But at least it was empty so it made it a tad easier. Apparently a couple neighbours said goodbye to N and sent their goodbye's through him to me, etc etc...I think that I'll have to send them cards and say goodbye to them, they were such good neighbours to us for the 3 yrs we were there.
WOW. It's done and over. Time to move on....

I cooked! and out of a REAL cookbook!

So today i continued on my quest for supermomness....i cooked...cooked out of a REAL cookbook! and it was fun and wonderful and tasted amazing, and it wasn't even that hard!!! (well actually the chopping of the shallot was a royal P.I.T.A, i have never teared up so badly from an onion in my life!!!!)

So you say...Umm Hey C, WHAT did you cook?! Well I cooked Chicken with Tomatoes & Zucchini from the Williams-Sonoma Cookbook...and it was divine! :D

(oh and for you foodies out there, i'm sorry if the presentation isn't top notch. i am obviously just learning! lol)

I will most definitely be cooking from a REAL cookbook again in the near future!!! It was an experience!!

**edited to add: oh my gosh! how did i forget to mention what the kids thought?! They thought it was great, but then again anything that has black olives in it is A-OK in their books! lol

$7 for all this?!

So today was another day of working on my Supermomness(it's a word now folks! lol).....I'd heard on a moms forum that there was an awesome place just outside town to pick your own veggies and CHEAP! So I decided to woman up and take my kiddos to that place! IT WAS AWESOME! We picked all the stuff in the above picture(plus 1 more cucumber and one more pepper--we gave them away before the pic)...for get this $7!!! and really it was more about the EXPERIENCE! Orange LOVED picking the corn!! and Hero braved the prickles to pick the cucumbers and the zucchinis! NOW the goal is to get them to EAT the veggies! lol.

(on a sidenote: i didn't make it to the mall with the girls, but I WILL YET! lol)

A new leaf and GOAL OF THE DAY!

Ok, so going to see Julie & Julia the other night has sent me into a frenzy of brain activity..i think that i need to see more thought provoking movies more often!! I now know that i need to set some kind of goal for my life....it's been driving me crazy..my kids are getting BIG and I am going to be turning 30 in 3 mo!!...I think that i know what my goal needs to be, because it's always been in the back of my mind...
I am going to do more about this "supermom" ideal that i have in my head! I was chatting with a friend last night and i expressed that i'm kinda like a scaredycat...there are soo many things that i just don't do for whatever reasons..and it's STUPID..like SERIOUSLY STUPID...my whacked out brain is holding me and my kids back and i hate it so i am going to REBEL i tell ya!

TODAY i am going to take my kids out shopping, actual shopping, for no reason but to just look at pretty clothing and shoes and accessories. I honestly don't think that i have EVER taken my kids shopping "together" without one of them being confined to a stroller(so like that would be a WHILE ago!)...and my kids are WELL BEHAVED!!! What the heck am i so afraid of?! Well i plan to "get over it today". And i may even buy some stuff and NOT RETURN IT LATER!!! lol.

sick, bleh, grumpy...

So i went to the dr this morning, it was already booked, just a check in session...and so i bring up that i can't eat, that it makes me sick, the compounding weightloss, etc etc...
So now she's concerned, and was going to put me on something but then didn't, told me to desperately try to "graze" for a month and if i'm not better than something needs to be done...eek!! what the heck!
SO I try desperately to graze today, make sure i'm eating good foods in tiny amount...and gradually i get sicker and sicker as the day progresses...i've been in and out of bed all day...this sucks...I am uber nauseous and crazy tired...and yet i can't sleep...GRRRR...
Maybe i'll go and make some tea and try grazing again tomorrow...i feel like such a cow! lol.

anyone got any good ideas/advice?

purge, purge, organize, and purge...

Well in my anger the other day i removed all the special momento/keepsake boxes that i had left at the house...i wanted it all back and NOW!!

Well, this morning i started sifting through the CRAZINESS, it's unbelievable all the stuff that was kept! I went from 2 large boxes of wedding crap down to one medium box, and i'm sure that'll get smaller yet again when i make the decision about the wedding gown...i've been thinking about ditching it since before the separation and well now i just want to set fire to the damn thing! lol.(joking!)...

Now i just need to weed through about 4 rubbermaids of 1st outfits and keepsake crap that people gave the girls that has always sat in a box, etc etc...

There is nothing like living in a small apartment to give you that swift kick in the tooshie to start purging and organizing! I just hope that i don't overflow the dumpster out here!! lol.

I Can Move on Now

Well it's been a very interesting 2 days..but it is safe to say that I know why my marriage failed now, and I am able to move on...and wowza does God work in mysterious ways!